Jokes

iDriving down a road Santa sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”

A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.

When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.

“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “Now where is my watch?”.

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WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

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Dear Customer,
Your Ac XXXXXXXX03036 is credited with INR15,00,000.00 on
7 th june 2016. Info RTGS-141210633491-BLACKMONEY DISTRIBUTION By BJP. Your Net Available Balance is INR15,60,542.00

Sala Kab Ayega Aisa SMS.....😜😜😜😜

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Father- agar tum fail hue to 
mujhe daddy mat kehna… result aane par.. 
Father- Kya hua result ka ? 
Son- Sorry yaar aatma ram tune baap kehlane ka haq kho diya...!!!

 😂😂😂😂😂

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TEACHER:- Kabir ka koi doha sunao..? 
STUDENT:- Ganga ji ke ghat pe ghatna ghati gambheer, Raheem le gayo Meera ki Pappi fans gaye sant Kabeer
😀😀😀😀😀
 
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Height of Coolness- 
2 frnds, after exam: 
1- Koun sa paper tha? 
2- Shayad Maths 
1- Yani tune paper padha 
2- Na yaar, wo aage wali Ladki CALCULATOR liye baithi thi.

😂😂

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An American walks into a Swiss bank with a giant, heavy sack in each of his hands. He goes to the teller, brings his face close to the glass and whispers, “I have two million dollars with me. I urgently need to open a secret Swiss bank account!” The Swiss bank teller replies in a normal volume, “Sir, there’s no need to whisper. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland.”

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पापा – “Whats your Result ?”

बेटा – “पापा में 5 विषयों में फेल हो गया”

पापा – “Don’t call me Papa”

बेटा – “Oh!!! Come on Papa, ये मेरा School Test Result है, Not a DNA Test Result”

कास कोई Exam Result का Insurance करवा देता,
तो हर Exam के पहले Premium भरवा देते,
पास होते तो ठीक है,
वरना Insurance Claim करवा लेते…
जो Student पास हो जाये उन्हें CONGRATULATION,
और
जो Student फेल हो जाये उन्हें तो Double CONGRATULATION,
Becoz…
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अब उनकी Class में नई-नई लड़कियाँ होगी ।
Moral : Fail होने पर कोई नुकसान नहीं होता ।

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Pichhle pradhanmantri SILENT MODE par rahte the ….

Ye wale FLIGHT MODE par rahte hain !!!

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Biwi bachhe na ho to
aadmi ka ghar mein rahne ka mann hi nahi karta…

Breaking News : Modi ji fir se 5 desho ki videsh yatra pe rawana !!!

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Samasya ye nahi hai ki KALA DHAN Bharat waapas kaise laaya jaaye ???

Ab samasya ye hai ki MODI JI ko Bharat waapas kaise laaya jaaye .. !!!

——————

Modi Ji China gaye hain isse mai bahut excited huun !!!

Maine twitter par message karke Diwali ke liye jhalar laane ko keh diya hai …. !!!

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Kisi ko pata ho to plz batao mujhe,

Mujhe aaj tak samjh nahi aaya ki…

Modi ji election jeete the
ya …
World tour ka package!!

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Hamari To Dua Hai Ye Koi Gila Nahi,
Wo Phool Jo Aaj Tak Yaha Khila Nahi,
Khuda Kare Aapko Wo Sab Kuchh Mile,
Jo Aaj Tak Kisi Ko Kabhi Mila Nahi. 

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Santa ne exam sheet par SUSU karke teacher ke hath me thama di.
..
Teacher-GADHE ye kya kia.!!!
..
..
Santa.-Sir, apne hi kaha tha pahle jo aa rha he wahi krdo…

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Teacher: Beta batao Parle G kepacket pe jo Green dot banahai uska matlab kya hai?
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Baccha-‘mam iska matlab Parle G online baithe hain..

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Solve if u can…

It is a 9 letter word 123456789,
If you lose it u die,
If u have 234, you can 1234,
56 is one type of disease,
89 indicates exact location and time,
2 and 7 r same letter, 3 and 8 are same letter, 5 and 9 are same letter.
Guess the word????

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Agar Mausam Accha ho to Mausam ka Maza uthati Ladkiya.
Agar Thand ho to Thand mein thiturati Ladkiya.
Garmi ho to Dhoop mein Tapti Ladkiya.

Agar Barish ho to barish mein nahati Ladkiya.
Agar Exam ho to Exam mein bethi Ladkiya.
Agar Traffic ho to Traffic mein Fansi Ladkiya.
Sala Akhbar walo ko hum Ladke najar kyo nahi aate

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Chaand bhi kya ajeeb chij hai!!
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Jaalim…
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Bachpan mein “Maamu” Aur Jawani mein “Jaanu” nazar aata hai..

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?BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game…..

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall….

And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall….

One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment…
got it ?

Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.

Boss : Okay…Ready, Set…
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“ORANGE” !

Employees : ?????

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Always remember in life that when no one is with you,
And when all the doors are closed around you
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It means

U r in the toilet..
😂😅😆😜😝            
Don't get senti always. ..

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Different Phases of a man :

After engagement : Superman

After Marriage : Gentleman

After 10 years : Watchman
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And
After 20 years : Doberman

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Murder of English :-Both of you stand together separately.?

I have two daughter both are girls. ?

Give me a blue pen o any color. ?

Will you hang the calendar or else I will hang myself. ?

Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am inside ? ?

Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin. ?

All of you Stand in Straight circle. ?

? ? ?

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Father : Son, once there was a time when I took Rs. 10 with me and bought grocery, vegetables, and milk etc..
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Son : Papa, Now time has changed.
Today in every shop has CCTV camera..
? ? ?

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America claimed that ?

“We have discovered Mars, Saturn, and other planets. The cost had been come Rs. 147 billions.

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Now who can explain those morons that-

“In India, Brahmin changes all the planets’ directions at only Rs 101/-

? ? ?

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Pappu कुछ हिसाब लगा रहा था।
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उसके पापा ने पूछा, ‘क्या कर रहे हो?’
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Pappu बोला, ‘पापा, जब मैं पैदा हुआ था, आप 30 साल के थे। मुझसे तीस गुना बड़े थे।’
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पिता ने जवाब दिया, ‘हां, बेटा।’
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Pappu – ‘जब मैं पांच साल का हुआ तो आप 35 साल के यानी मुझसे 7 गुना बडे़।’
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पिता : ‘बिल्कुल ठीक।’
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Pappu – ‘जब मैं 10 साल का हुआ तो आप 40 साल के, मुझसे चार गुना बडे़।’
:
पिता: ‘हां।’
:
Pappu – ‘अब मैं 15 साल का हूं तो आप 45 साल के, मुझसे तीन गुना बडे़।’
:
पिता: ‘हाँ हाँ शाबाश बेटा’
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Pappu – ‘तो मैं हिसाब लगा रहा था कि………….
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जैसे जैसे मेरी उम्र बढ़ रही है आप की कम हो रही है
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इस हिसाब से मैं कितने साल में आपसे बड़ा हो जाऊंगा।

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Modi Sarkar ka 1 naya kanoon,
Sundar ladkiyan aur Handsome Ladko par
Personality tax lagega…

Ab haso mat…
Muje pata hai,
Aap to bach gaye…
Par meri to waat lag gayi n…

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Teacher: Bacho 2 October ke din kya hua tha?

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Student: Ajay Devgan apni family ko lekar
satsang ke liye panjhi gaya tha,
aur 3 oct ko vapas lauta tha..!! 

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😳😳Wife ने एक बोर्ड देखा:
बनारसी साड़ी 10/-
नायलॉन 8/-
कॉटन 5/-
Wife खुश हो के अपने हस्बैंड से :: मुझे Rs..500 दो, में 50 साड़ी खरीदुंगी.
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Husband: अरी ओ बीरबल की माँ, press करने वाले  की दुकान है वो .😂😂😂

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